Just Say No

Like so many other women, I have a problem saying "No". I want to please. I was raised to be "a good girl" and to "mind your parents". This is fine in school, but when it comes to the business world there has to be boundaries. I've known that for some time now, but rarely practice it. I want to be liked and accepted. Therefore, I have said "Yes" more times that I would have liked to the detriment of my family and my own mental health.
There are so many things that can go wrong in my job as a television producer, but the one thing that is inevitable is the deadline. In the TV business there are constant "emergencies". It seems like life or death deadlines persist on a daily basis. Something has to air by such and such date. There is no changing that. It's in the TV guide for heaven's sake. So because of this undeniable truth I have found myself working 12 to 15 hour days, sat in an edit room through the night, worked weekends, missed parent teacher conferences and band concerts (okay, I didn't mind missing the band concerts) and even spent a weekend screening video tape while my daughter lay on the couch beside me with a bucket throwing up. "Just hit the bucket honey, I've only got four more hours of tape to screen."
So recently, I requested half a day of edit time to make some minor changes in a cooking segment that was scheduled to air in a couple of weeks. My schedule was wide open. The response I got was how about Nov. 3? That happens to be the one day in the next two weeks that I had hoped to keep open. It's election day, and while I plan to vote, that's not the main reason. It's my youngest son's 14th birthday, and school is out that day. It's the first day off school, since the new school year started.
Any rational person (a man) would just say, "Sorry, I'm booked that day" or "I'm not available that day". But for me it became a major internal wrestle. I got the email on a Friday afternoon. I brooded about it all that evening, tossed and turned about it during the night. woke up grumpy Saturday morning unable to communicate to my family why I was in such a bad mood. Here's what I was thinking..., edit time is at a premium right. The editor probably was all booked up until that date. There's just no way around it. And asking for a different edit date might mean someone horrible would happen. The operations manager would say "No" to me. Oh the horror! Immediately I'm 7 years old and images of my mother pulling out the wooden spoon came to mind (they used to spank kids in those days) or being sent to your room without dinner. Or the ultimate fear.. being sent to the principal's office, in my mind. What could be worse?
I stewed for another day. Fretted about having to leave my kids at home to drive 45 miles to the station to fix stupid things that didn't (in my opinion) need to be fixed in the first place. I actually considered doing it for awhile. I rationalized, "oh the kids will be sleeping in anyway. I can be done by Noon. I'll be home by 1."
But I knew that was a lie. You walk into that building and you're immediately sucked into a world of crazy. Fun crazy at times, but crazy none the less. I knew I was lying to myself. Suddenly this amazing thought came to me. "You can say No!" You can send an email saying you are not available that day. I couldn't believe I was even thinking this. I actually had to sit with it for a couple of hours considering all the ramifications of such a brazen move. Then, just like a gladiator preparing for battle, I donned my psychological armour and marched up to my room, sat down at the laptop and wrote these words. "I am not available on November 3rd." Just like that. And get this, I continued to say, "Isn't there any way he (the editor) could get to it sooner? At least fix one of the segments that needed to air first?"
You won't believe what happened. I got an email back first thing Monday morning that said. "Jim (the editor) had some time Tuesday (meaning the very next day) to work on these segments. And further, if he didn't finish them then during that session, some time could be set aside for me on Nov. 4th.
I couldn't believe my eyes. There was actually another option besides me sacrificing precious time with my kids on my son's 14th birthday, to schlepp 45 minutes away, to fix something that could be done another day. Wow. What a concept! I was so relieved. And to top it off it was so easy to do. Nobody yelled at me. Nobody sent me to the principal's office. I asked for what I needed, protected precious family time, and got what I wanted. Now, that's quite an accomplishment, wouldn't you say?